She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
Humor is reason gone mad.
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
Women should be obscene and not heard.